sad goodbye

This is probably the hardest/ saddest blog I will ever write.  Today precious baby bean, your father and I received bad news.  For the past 8 weeks you have been growing inside my tubes.  No words can describe the devastation I feel.  You are and always will be my first baby.  And the joy you brought us in such a short time is followed by sorrow in that we will never see your face and hold your little body.  Although you were only with us for a short time you will never be forgotten.  The bond between a mother and child is forever, and because of this my heart is saddened.  The tears/ anguish I have experienced of the past few days are un-measurable.  No one will ever fully know or understand the pain that comes with loosing a child until it happens.  In the sad moments when the warm tears stream down my face I think of how much love I have for you and how badly I want to be a mother.  But I also pray for a healthy baby... and my sweet baby bean this was not something that would have been possible for you.  I know time will heal all wounds, both physical and emotional.  But in this moment, I grieve for you!

I have to remind you of a song that gives me comfort in this time.  A song I hoped to one day rock you to sleep to.  So precious baby bean, I will rock you to sleep in my heart tonight as the Lord takes you home.

Lullaby.

How long do you want to be loved?   Is forever enough?  Is forever enough?  How long do you want to be loved?  Is forever enough because Im never never giving you up.

As you wonder through this troubled world, in search of all things beautiful, you can close your eyes though you are miles away, and hear my voice like a serenade.


Love Mommy.