very personal

To those of you who follow our blog.  All though the last few posts are both happy and then tragically sad I decided to post them because they were real.  The emotion is not something that will be forgotten, and when I chose to share the "experience" with our loved ones, I did not say I would leave out the hard parts.  I think its important for the world to know how much we loved and cared for this baby that we had tried for over a year for.  I think its also good that one day... I will be able to look back and reflect on this.  So yes.. its very personal.  But... its life and its real.  And if you were to ask me right now.  I have nothing else to write or describe feelings for.  So for some of you this might all be news, or a shock.  But I hope in reading it you will pray for us and the grief to pass.

Thank you to all the friends and family who have already prayed so diligently for us in this time.

This was sent to be by someone who has experienced the trials of trying to conceive as well... and has really helped.
Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

sad goodbye

This is probably the hardest/ saddest blog I will ever write.  Today precious baby bean, your father and I received bad news.  For the past 8 weeks you have been growing inside my tubes.  No words can describe the devastation I feel.  You are and always will be my first baby.  And the joy you brought us in such a short time is followed by sorrow in that we will never see your face and hold your little body.  Although you were only with us for a short time you will never be forgotten.  The bond between a mother and child is forever, and because of this my heart is saddened.  The tears/ anguish I have experienced of the past few days are un-measurable.  No one will ever fully know or understand the pain that comes with loosing a child until it happens.  In the sad moments when the warm tears stream down my face I think of how much love I have for you and how badly I want to be a mother.  But I also pray for a healthy baby... and my sweet baby bean this was not something that would have been possible for you.  I know time will heal all wounds, both physical and emotional.  But in this moment, I grieve for you!

I have to remind you of a song that gives me comfort in this time.  A song I hoped to one day rock you to sleep to.  So precious baby bean, I will rock you to sleep in my heart tonight as the Lord takes you home.

Lullaby.

How long do you want to be loved?   Is forever enough?  Is forever enough?  How long do you want to be loved?  Is forever enough because Im never never giving you up.

As you wonder through this troubled world, in search of all things beautiful, you can close your eyes though you are miles away, and hear my voice like a serenade.


Love Mommy.

6

Baby Bean...
This is a big week for you.  Your brain is developing as we speak!  Mommy is trying to make sure she has zen thoughts and that everything stays calm and collected this week while you form that little noggin.  Dr. apt gave you and official date.  MARCH 6TH!!!
Seems like so far from now but I know time will fly.
Trying to eat more fruits and veggies to help you grow big and strong, and I only had coffee once this week.  I was also informed by the urologist that I MUST drink more fluids to avoid kidney stones again.... so down the hatch. 

Your daddy and I got tickled over names the other night.  We have a boy name picked (we have for some time now) but if you are a girl you have already got us stumped!haha

Here is a bit of our conversation of trying to think of girl names that start with a K...
Kevin "I think we should name her Kalli",
Me "ummm didn't you have a cat named that"
Kevin, "ok well it needs to start with a K, maybe we can name her something interesting like Corona...but with a K" 
Me "awesome so the kids name is gonna be Kalli Korona?"
Kevin " No how about Corona Crayon"
Both" hysterically laughing"

Now every name we try Kevin sticks Crayon in the middle.

Yes for now that is all we got, so pray that some inspiration comes to us in the next 8 months or you little bean...are doomed!

Week 5

Dear baby bean,


You are now 5 weeks old today! And yet you are already making your mark. So far since we found out the news a week ago you have been giving me some cramping… and im not talking about a little. Whew!  Luckily it was only a few days worth, but man it was painful.

We also had a 4th of July Crawfish boil this last weekend, and apparently my nose is quite sensitive, because man it was stinky. I also noticed the other morning that milk tastes funny! Strange how all the sudden so many things start to change. But I guess we have a lot to prepare for.  I went to the store this week and loaded up on tons of healthy veggies/ fruits and snacks. Gotta make you big and strong.



Your MeMe says you are going to be a little boy and are already giving us grief for Kevin’s younger days. Haha

But either way, we are praying for your health and safety everyday. The doctor says not to worry, and that all of these symptoms are normal. So for now I am just trying to enjoy the ride and every experience.
We told your grandparents about you today!!!  They were all so excited to welcome you to the world!  Although we are not announcing it to everyone yet..we are finding it  harder and harder to keep quiet.

Anniversary Weekend/ Jimmy Buffett

Well when you are a true parrot head (as Kevin and I are) you will follow Buffett anywhere and this year was no different. Although one day I hope to see him in a more tropical venue we made the trip to Philadelphia this year to see him! It was our 5th year running to see him in concert over the summer. We had a great time, as always. Making friends all around us and enjoying our favorite songs! This year I even brought a few props to help us get in the mood with our little tail gate! Haha It was a good thing too because the venue was literally in an industrial port.

We decided after the concert which happened to fall on our anniversary weekend that we would spend some time in Philadelphia and see the city. We had flown into the airport several times but never seen any parts of this historical city. We stayed in downtown, right by the courthouse. It was so pretty, it reminded me of a history book. There are lots of masonic and founding traditions still present in this town. We went to the zoo, and I must say it was eventful. Usually the animals are all sleeping, but we saw lots of activity that day, including two tigers fighting! That evening we went to a place called Capital Grill. Kevin and I both agreed it was the BEST (and this is hard for me being from Texas) Steak we have EVER HAD! WHEW, yep there I said it. Let me tell you this ribeye was bone-in, dry aged, and had a kona coffee rub on it, drizzled in shallot butter. Makes your mouth water huh! Yep ours too. Our server was so nice, after our delicious dinner we were so full, but he packed up a free desert for us to celebrate our 3 year anniversary! 

The next day we went to the Museum (one of many) in Philly and walked around. Then we headed off to Geno’s Steaks. Its one of the first and most famous place to eat a Philly Cheese Steak, but after waiting in line for 45 min. I wish I would have got two of those puppies! They were very good! And a fun place to check off our list.

All in all it was a great weekend and a fun way to celebrate our Anniversary. 3 down…57 more to go. Haha for anyone who knows our inside jokes.



Catching up.. May & June

Although summer time is always my favorite... its also when Kevin and I are the busiest. I must say the weather finally warming up has warmed my soul. I love to sit out on our back porch and people watch on our street! Kevin and I will come home and enjoy a drink and dinner outdoors most nights of the week. (ah the simple things).

We have met several of our neighbors at this point and are really starting to enjoy the neighborhood. We went to a concert with the Hess’s and met a whole group of fun folks (Including Susan and Dennis who brew their own beer!!!) We also had a Memorial weekend party with the work crew,we cooked out and had a good ol time. Picts Below

This was my new cup.. which I am supposed to drink water out of, but this day it was for Margaritas! ha
So, then came June. Ah yes.. I love June…


Christy, Rick and Haley came up to visit. We had a blast, we tried to pack so much in. Dirks Bentley Concert, Corning, Seneca Lake Wine Trail. Good food and good family. I must say it was great seeing them and showing them a little of our life in the North. At least they came when the weather is beautiful!

the whole crew

a little rain at Dirks wont scare us off!

@ tags

Watkins Glenn Falls



30 is rough

Well, everyone warned me about 30... but I didnt know that it was going to be sooooo tough on me. haha

I went from being excited about being 30 to falling apart in a matter of weeks!  Yep.  Kidney Stones. Maybe it was from all the drinking I did in Vegas?!?!

Let me say if you have never had them you are blessed.... if you have you know the about of relentless pain that comes from something so small. After a few days in the hospital and surgery to break up the larger stones I am feeling better.  After some testing hopefully they will find out what has caused these little puppies and I can make sure to never have them again.  Not to mention I told Kevin, next time... just let me die on the side of the road because a funeral would have been less expensive than this little adventure!  ha

P.S.  at work they are now referring to me as "bubble girl" because I have been so sick.